so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
