you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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