i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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