Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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