My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he thought i was a dude.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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