cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
