her vagine was all disorganized.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
