I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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