walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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