i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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