So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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