Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
