One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
