I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
