Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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