I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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