life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wish you could order shots online.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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