I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
