You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
