I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
