The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
