she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
