i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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