I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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