You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I want to make a zoo with you.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
