I don't usually arrange sex via text message
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
