if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
