I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
3 2 1 whiskey
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
