my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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