i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
