guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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