the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
from now on my penis is your penis
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
