I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
