I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
