plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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