i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
