So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
