i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
