We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
