I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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