I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
