woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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