Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I cockslap morals
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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