how can u be prego again
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
