I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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