I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
