Tell her she can't have a vagina
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
