I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
