In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
