Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
