Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
