I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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