some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
